RE yaoi crack pairings: A series of One-shots
by Chemical Psycho
Summary: A pairing you can't find? A pairing you want to see? Read on right here! You may be in luck to find something you like, Strangah! From Brad Vickers x Steve Burnside to Jack Krauser x Alfred Ashford ! Is there a pairing you may want to see? Just ask about it in a review and I'll see what I can do!
1. Brad Vickers x Steve Burnside

Once more?

A/N: To start this off, I just wanna say that everything in this momi series will be **ALL CRACK PAIRINGS! YAOI AS WELL**! Common pairings will be avoided for the sake of these one-shots. Please enjoy :D

A light click emitted from the front door and a man sporting a yellow vest entered the single bedroom apartment, instantly spotting the tabby kitten-like person napping on his couch. Chuckling to himself a small smiled played on his lips as he placed his bag and boots by the door.

Brad sauntered over to the kitten, Steve, and took a seat closer to the boy's head before giving a feather light kiss on his forehead. In response he earned a grumble.

"Ugh… Why are you home so damn early?" The question was groggy and irritance fell from it, but the beautiful flush lips it fell from made up for it.

"I told you before I left, _I'd be back early_." The brunette took a peck at the ginger's lips and smiled as his cheeks flushed slightly.

"Well… Still. Doesn't give you any right to wake m-"

Brad pounced onto Steve and captured his lips in a rough but demanding kiss. The battle for dominance was easily given to Chicken Heart. Steve moaned at the hasty movements of the man ovr him, such dexterity as he slipped his hand under the hem of his pants. He always did like a man with a plan.

Just as Steve began to feel the heat of his lover's digits, a abrupt pause came upon him.

"H-hey, what's wrong?" The ginger tried to speak over the list.

Brad blushed crimson and took a moment to think over what to say.

"Am… Am I doing this right?.." The question was rather timid.

A peck on the nose from Steve, along with a chuckle answered the other's question.

"Everytime, babe~"

A/N: Did you like? If so pretty please drop a review and if you'd like a Crack Pairing you may want to see later on in this mini series. Thank you for reading! :D


	2. Jack Krauser x Alfred Ashford

Just a little longer

The night air carried a light breeze through the crimson satin curtains, allowing a slight chill to enter the chambers of the Ashford estate.

A pale blonde man shuddered ever so slightly as the breeze reached his feminine facial features. He wriggled his lithe body closer to the heat emitting from the other embracing him.

Strong well-defined arms gently hung around his small frail shoulders clad in the finest material money can buy. When compared to his attire; a tight fitting black T-shirt with military issued trousers, he was merely just another solider- a reckless merc out of the bunch.

But not to this man. Alfred Ashford.

Upon seeing the young master of the Ashford Family, Krauser could've sworn he felt his heart stop for a split second. The man was absolutely stunning.

His golden neatly cut hair complemented his soft beautiful features . Flawless alabaster skin clashed in contrast with his sharp- yet at the same time soft sapphire blue eyes.

When Alfred has spotted the merc, he instantly paused in the middle of his intro (Something he rarely ever does).

This was a real man. This is what a real man looked like. The perfectly toned muscles he possessed were barely contained by the tight T-shirt that dared to hide the god-like body. The scar that marred his face made him look dangerous, exciting- thrilling! Something he needed in his dull life.

Once the two had met…

They couldn't stand each other.

Krauser couldn't tolerate Alfred's whining, and Alfred couldn't stand Krauser's blunt and 'Un-romantic' socialization. But their differences are what made them attracted to each other.

As Alfred cuddled closer to Krauser, the merc couldn't help but smirk an press a kiss behind the young master's ear, he earned a giggle in response as well as a nuzzle of soft gold hair under his neck.

"See? Is it so hard to be like this once in a while?" Playful smugness emitted from the comment. Krauser could listen to that melodious voice forever- even though the voice came from an absolutely stunning smart ass.

"More than you know." The chuckle that followed reverberates through the strong chest to Alfred's back. The voice was so gruff and demanding but he could still pick out the soft tones that came forth every now and then.

Though they didn't see eye to eye often, they did feel a nearly magnetic attraction to one another- with a copper penny thrown in between.

A beeping tone played from the comm latched to Krauser's belt loop, signaling for his assistance.

Sighing in annoyance, Krauser reached back to push the receiver, indicating that he got the message on his end.

"I gotta go now." Krauser grunted as he got up and stretched. After retrieving and slinging his ammunition packs over his shoulders and across his chest, he still didn't get an answer from Alfred.

"…You never have time… For us." The angelic voice was just over a whisper. He curled into himself a bit more, already missing the warmth and strong heart beat, knowing that someone was there.

Krauser stared at the smaller one thinking over what to say. He knew of his past and up bringing, leaving him to distance himself, but the merc was one of the only few that managed to get through to him.

The larger man walked around to where the blonde was and sat down by his feet. He got a better look and took notice of the glossiness welling up in his eyes. Krauser rested a hand on the blonde's slender hip and gave a reassuring smile.

"I'll be back. I promise."

Alfred looked over to him, before deciding to sit up and give him on more embrace.

"Please… Don't be too long?"

"Promise."


	3. Barry Burton x Chris Redfield

Every time

Gunshot after gunshot blasted through the air as two men gradually got backed into a corner by several Crimson Heads. Blood painted the walls in splats and strokes making its own grotesque abstract art with brain matter thrown in.

A crimson toned zombie lunged itself at the man clad in a green vest only to be restrained as it attempted to take numerous bites out of the fresh lively flesh.

BAM

The zombie hit the floor, an assault rifle blowing it's head off and effectively covering the green cladded one's face with it's dirtied blood. The man gave an irritated look as he wiped the blood from his vision.

"Watch yourself, Chris!" Barry Burton yelled to his comrade as he took down yet another crimson head. Chris aimed and fired his handgun at the zombies, but before he knew it he was already out of ammunition.

"Barry! Fall back!"

The two withdrew their weapons, turned and ran as fast as they could. With Chris taking lead and navigating the long narrow halls, Barry had turned around every so often to get rid of any crimson heads that happened to catch up with them.

"Aw shit!" Chris cursed as he tried pulling a door open. To no avail, and without thinking it over, Chris grabbed Barry's arm and ran to a nearby closet. What he didn't expect was for it to be so damn cramped!

"Hey watch your foot!"

"Your elbow's in my ribs!"

"Seriously? Fu- Oh shit. Shhh- Shut up."

Chris watched through a crack near the hinge of the door as the crimson heads approached the area, abruptly pausing and sniffing the air. They groaned and began to idly wander the small area.

"Well? What's the situation?" Barry spoke in a hushed tone.

"We're gonna be here for a while."

"Shit."

The two stood in awkward silence, Barry looking to the ceiling and Chris nervously shifting on the heels of his boots.

"Sooo…" Chris started

"Hm?"

"How are things at home?"

"Really? You REALLY want to talk about that at a moment like this?"

Although he couldn't really see it, Chris knew that he could hear the slight smile in his voice. The shorter of the two gave a mildly sheepish laugh as he scratched the back of his head.

"Well, yeah, I mean, we never really talk anymore, you know? Just thought it'd be nice to catch up." Chris thought about the earlier years at the RPD when he and Barry would constantly talk about just about anything. A simple hello could turn into a complicated conversation about life and what to make of it. Heck- absolutely anything at the time was acceptable. But when things started getting more and more serious around the station their talk time was downgraded to occasional greetings and small talk. Chris missed the old times.

Barry sighed and shimmied over to Chris's side and took a look through the crack. The crimson heads were still out there. Figuring that he really had no choice, be backed over to his side and began.

"Things are going okay. Heh… I just know that I'm going to be home late. My kids are gonna tackle me when I get home, I just know it. Every time I do overtime or have to pick up a late job, they stay up all night just to see me come home…"

There it was again. That smile in his voice. Only this time with the slight change in angle, a sliver of light ran across his face, enough to see the slight tug on his lips. Chris chuckled and nodded. He'd met his kids once before and they were always so full of energy. Though he couldn't say that'd he blame them for tackling their dad to the ground, he is a fantastic guy after all.

"That sounds like fun." Chris smiled "When I was little, I remember that my little sister and I would fight each other in order to decide who would open the first Christmas present. This one year, she tackled me and I just happened to accidently crush a remote controlled helicopter that was meant for the both of us. We didn't hear the end of it from out parents for the rest of the year."

"Well I'm happy that my kid only fight over the last can of Spaghetti-Ohs"

The two quietly laughed at each other's stories and continued to exchange them as the time passed.

Chris looked through the crack and quickly noticed that there were only two remaining crimson heads.

"They still out there?"

Chris swallowed.

"Yeah..." _Damn it _

"Dang. Well, that's fine I guess. I only got one shot left." Barry sighed and returned to looking at the ceiling.

"Hey… Do you remember third year? At the station?" Chris spoke up.

"Hm? What do you mean?" _Suppression_.

"Heh. When we were… You know." Chris didn't need to add in the missing subject. He heard Barry make a hard swallow and a pause took over them for what seemed like an hour.

"Yeah."

Chris slowly and cautiously brought his hand up to rest on Barry's bicep. He had expected the other to tense up but to his surprise he didn't. After all, the tough was rather familiar to them.

"Chris." The voice was set in a low warning tone.

He traced a finger up the crook of his neck and along his stubbled jawline, earning a shudder from him.

"C-Chris…"

He missed that…

"I…"

To take away the silence, Chris brought his lips up to Barry's in a gentle and timid kiss. In return, the taller of the two had hesitantly wrapped his strong arms around Chris's waist and pulled his body flush against his.

As the kiss began to heat up, there was a sudden boom on the other side of the door. The two broke the kiss and stood in pure silence.

"Chris!? Barry!?"

That voice…

Jill?

"Jill!"

Chris opened the door and looked at the remaining crimson heads fallen on the floor and their saviour among them.

"Hey, I've been looking everywhere for you two." Jill smiled and gave the two a quick hug before reloading her grenade launcher and looking to door that was previously locked.

"We should get going now." With that she began to walk ahead of them.

With both Chris and Barry behind her, Chris nudged Barry's shoulder and whispered into his ear.

"We should do this again sometime"

A/N: Agh! Sorry that I didn't really make this one more around the couple I'll most likely make a seperate story for these two later on (If I get around to it) Thank you all for the wonderful reviews! :D I am currently working on a Chris x Jake one-shot and a Wesker x Leon one-shot! Also I juuuuust started gathering ideas for the Merchant x Parker story :) I want to apologize that I take so long to update, I only have several small ammounts of time in the week to be able to type up a story o_o Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed ^^ And as always, I encourage you drop a review with any RE yaoi Crack pairing and I'll see what I can do with it :D


	4. Vector x Spectre

Rise and Run

The silhouette of two figures tangled in with one another in the moonlight. Grunts and moans could be heard under the scarlet sheets, like cascades of crimson over marred torsos.

Vector planted heated kisses over Spectre's abused torso, stopping at his neck to leave love bites on his adam's apple. Feeling the tall frame tense up, the WolfPack commander licked at the bitten flesh and resumed tracing the numerous scars with his tongue.

That was something the sniper could never get used to…

His lover had always been a rough one; he enjoyed leaving scratches, bruises, and especially bite marks. Too many memories flooded into his head whenever the young commander even grazed his teeth along his skin. The reassuring licks afterwards though are what made up for it. He trusted Vector. He knew he wouldn't hurt him.

As Vector began to lick up Spectre's jawline, he felt him shudder. Giving a satisfied chuckle, he playfully kissed the sharpshooter's node, cheek, then a light peck on the rough lips.

In response to the innocent action, Spectre groaned, wrapping a arm around the commander's waist and grind their hips together.

"You are… Teasing."

The Russians accent sent chills up Vector's spine before he attacked the other's lips with his own.

A/N: Sorry that I'm so slow to update! D: I gots very little time to type Anyways… Pretty please leave me a review with any RE Yaoi Crack pairing you can come up with :D I would very much appreciate it ^^


	5. HUNK x Kevin Dooley

Just another mission

3 years in the force, and he still couldn't get over it…

Mr. Death never ceased to amaze the pilot. How he was-is-always the only to return from complex missions. He's always cool and collected, never shaken from battle, horrifying BOWs, the slaughtering of his fellow teammates, carnage, everything! Kevin Dooley thought he was the most amazing man ever!

One day while landing the chopper at a secluded rendezvous point to pick up the elusive HUNK and his team, the veteran pilot spent the whole time trying to think of ways of asking the man if he would like to join him for some coffee sometime. He practiced a charming smile and wanted to be as polite as he possibly could.

Just as he ran over his finalized invite for the ump-teenth time he heard and explosion in the distance. Kevin started up the chopper and prepared all mechanisms for their departure.

He felt the clang of someone rolling into the back, and assuming he knew who it was, he began to pull the aircraft into the air.

Deciding to take the chance, Kevin cleared his throat and could already feel the other man's eyes on him.

"S-so… How was ir?"

"…Really?..."

'_Stupid! Why would you say that!? It was most likely hell for the guy! Ugh! Stupid! Stu-'_

"Thank you for asking. It went well."

"…"

A wave of relief washed over Kevin. He sat there with his mouth a gape, his plans had never gotten this far. While searching for what to say, he heard more shuffling in the back. He was most likely just removing his gear.

"I appreciate you agreeing to be our pick-up. I have heard that your past experience with flight control is fast and efficient. Excellent work."

Almost as if it was a natural instinct, Kevin Dooley giggled-or rather gave a manly chuckle- and blushed at the complement. Realizing what he had done, he shut up almost immediately. In the back he heard a deep chuckle, and flushed slightly in embarrassment.

"Mr. Dooley-"

"Call me Kevin."

"…_Kevin_. I have one mission to lead tomorrow morning, and I'm free in the evening-if all goes according to plan-Would you like to grab a coffee with me?"

"…"

'_This escalated rather quickly'_

"I'd like that…"

A/N: I'm sorry if you had meant Kevin Ryman, it's just that the first one that popped into my head was Dooley and I thought it would've been cute for him to muse over HUNK :3 If you would like, I could work on one with Ryman later on :D

And again, as always, pretty please drop a review with any RE Yaoi Crack airing you can think of and I'll do what I can with it :D


	6. Billy Coen x Richard Aiken

Later

They had been like this for at least an hour now. Who knew how much time had actually passed though…

Richard was slumped on the floor while as Billy had been asked _'oh so graciously'_ by Rebecca to keep guard of the main entrance to the room so lil Richie wouldn't get hurt any further.

The blond man on the floor was already in critical condition and was pushing his limits just to be able to keep conscious.

"How long do you intend to stare at me like that?"

"W-what? What do you mean?"

Billy looked over to Richard and scoffed. He had been able to notice the other man in his peripheral vision staring at him for the last 20 minutes.

The injured man nervously shifted under his stare only to wince in pain.

Sighing, Billy hesitantly walked over to Richard, not knowing if the snake's bite would've affected him the way a zombie's bit would've.

"What's the matter? Heh heh…" He gave a weak chuckle. "I don't bite…"

The ex-convict gave a chuckle himself at the lame joke before crouching down in front of Richard.

"Heh. Well on a different note. How are you doing, Richie?"

The orange cladded man frowned at the nickname.

"Please don't call me that."

"Why?"

"I just don't like it…"

"Why?"

"I don't like it when other people call me that."

"Why?"

"Only… Bridgette can call me that…"

"…Oh really now?"

Richard looked down in slight unease of the predatory stare down he was getting from Billy.

"Y-yeah."

"Ohhh, Richie~"

The Back-Up-Man blushed furiously at the somewhat sexy voice but as well as embarrassment at the other mocking him.

"…"

"Richie boy, why ya have to be so quiet? I like it when we talk." That time it sounded ever so slightly like me had meant it. It sounded genuine.

With no response from Richard, the ex convict decided to take it upon himself to at least be friendly to the guy. Sighing and sitting down next to him, he gently wrapped an arm around his hunched shoulders, mindful of his injury. He'd felt the other tense before relaxing.

"Ya know what?" Billy looked into Richard's sky blue eyes, happy that he had finally caught his attention.

"W-… What?" He swallowed.

"I never noticed how beautiful your eyes look up close." Billy held the bond's chin in his index and thumb, watching as the injured man began to flush crimson.

"W-w-what?! I-I um! What are y-!" Richard felt as though the air was being rapidly drawn out of him as his brain struggled to find something to retaliate with.

"Y-"

Creeeek

Almost immediately, Billy sprung up to his feet and casually leaned against the wall as Rebecca walked in holding a herb and most likely a few more in her pouch.

"Hey guys. I found some herbs." She spoke in her soft tone as she walked over to a cluttered table and placed the herb she was holding on it. "I have to mix them, it'll probable take some time though…"

With her back turned to them, Billy looked down to the still flustered Richard and winked. "Maybe later, _Richie_~"

Richard felt his breath catch in his throat at the action and…

Was looking forward to that _'Next Time'_.

A/N: Hey there! How long has it been since I updated? Too long =_= So sorry. I'm currently working on a Nikolai x Carlos one-shot aaaaand… I haven't gotten much done =_= BUT (heh… But)! I shall try post it by the end of this week :D Thank you for reading! :'D


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